Poyhonen's Blog

stories and commentary

Posts Tagged ‘politics

Senator Hubris Staff Meeting & Discussions Concerning the DOJ

leave a comment »

Senator Hubris plopped into a padded chair situated at the head of a table lined with sycophant staff members and immediately reached into the basket of croissants placed in front of him.

“Any good news this morning?” he asked around a mouthful of pastry.

“Well, we got the attorney general on the run,” one excited staff member piped enthusiastically.

“I called our press operatives to make sure they report his guilt,” press secretary Bob smiled in satisfaction.

“Is he?” Hubris asked while eyeing the basket.

“Doesn’t matter,” another staff member reported, “he’s guilty until proven innocent.”

“Technically,” Bob hesitated, “he’s completely innocent but we have the media on our side as well as many members of congress eager to play along. Our delays at cabinet membership changes have successfully kept the DOJ populated with our hirelings and they have orders to assure his guilt. We even have support from across the aisle.”

“Support?” Hubris grabbed another croissant.

“Yeah,” an older staff member cleared his throat before continuing, “They knew there was nothing and were very willing to support an investigation of nothing – but we trapped them with this new accusation and now we can hoist them on their own petard, so to speak.”

“Excellent,” Hubris beamed at his brilliant group of cohorts.

“What about research, Sally?” Hubris pointed at the only woman on his staff. “Have we got anything else?”

“We…ll,” Sally hedged by shuffling her papers, “We have a connection where his plane was on the tarmac of an airport at the same time as a passenger plane carrying two foreign ambassadors.”

“Of course!” Hubris pounded the table, “We can accuse him of a clandestine meeting.”

Sally shook her head slowly, “Not sure if we want to link planes on tarmacs with attorney generals and secret meetings. The ice may be a bit thin in that arena.”

“I know what you are inferring,” Bob remonstrated, “and our media minimized the reports on those meetings with our DOJ and besides – the constituents have already forgotten the incident.”

“What about the fact,” an exuberant member repeated himself, “the Fact, I say – that the new AG ate at a restaurant that had immigrant servers with visas originating from the country in question.”

“Huh?” Hubris joined several staff members looks of incredulity.

“Meetings with foreign waiters,” the young man continued, “cunningly made to look innocent but when we question him…”

“Ah…, Did you ever direct orders to foreign nationals during the campaign?” Hubris’ smiled like a Cheshire cat in a Disney movie.

“He’s bound to say no,” Bob leaned back in his chair and dreamily looked at the ceiling.

“Did you accept bribes from foreigners…?”

“A refill of his coffee cup,” Sally chuckled.

“Did you give money?”

“Tipped the waiter, no doubt,” Hubris amazed his staff at being the only person they knew who could sneer in delight.

“I’m really glad we can feed the media with accusations that will drown out that last speech,” Bob pursed his lips in satisfaction.

“Yeah – I was afraid we would have to live with that for over a week,” Hubris agreed.

“I also have some leaks programmed to reinstitute the race factor,” Bob’s assistant finally joined the conversation. “This idea of bringing jobs to the inner city is definitely a racist act.”

“There is a danger in allowing people to get jobs and education beyond our control,” Sally offered some analysis. “Minorities with jobs can move out of the generous havens we provide. They could even buy books and begin reading unsanctioned treatises that talk about humanity, history, and character. We really need to keep people unemployed and dependent. Think of the consequences if all our constituents uncovered the truth. We need to control the minorities and make the others feel guilty. Our power depends on it.”

The entire staff nodded in agreement, save one.

“Huh?” the original speaker remonstrated, “I can tell you as a community organizer that we OWN the inner cities.”

Bob frowned, “I wouldn’t put it quite that way,” he murmured.

“We only control the food, housing, and education,” Hubris instructed. “This administration will never get by our years of academic indoctrination and control of the media.”

“To your credit Alphonse,” Bob turned to his assistant, “we only own the social media and teachers union. We always tell the people they are free to choose among the choices we provide.”

“Well, if you want a riot, Alphonse looked chagrined, “I can get you one.”

“Thanks Alphonse,” Hubris tried to lighten the moment. “You have done an excellent job in the past and rest assured we will call upon you and your peculiar talents quite often in the near future. By the way – I had the bank funnel millions of dollars of ‘penalties’ largess into your social justice organization.”

“Is that legal?” Sally questioned.

“Of course,” Hubris quickly replied. “The funds are a penalty and we put into law a provision to allow penalties to be placed into a slush fund of ‘our’ choosing instead of returning funds to customers who were ripped off by banks and other institutions. You see, it’s not a tax and involves no tax payer monies. It’s even a legal tax deduction for those involved. No political financial constraints or ethics overhead and the only people losing money are those people who were not compensated for being ripped off. And they will never know.” Hubris chuckled before continuing, “We can fund all sorts of organizations and community events, including Alphonse’s group.”

“Thank you, sir,” Alphonse twitched his head side to side in nervous enjoyment, “the demonstrators’ wages have been rising along with the violence requirements.”

“Well it seems our people in the DOJ still have control so is there any other new business?”

The staff became quiet until Hubris directed a question to a small man seated at the far side of the table, “Harry – what about the huge history book that I am writing? Have you finished it yet? Might have to make it into two books with all that stuff I gave you, eh?”

Harry stuttered, “I wrote exactly what you told me but the fact checkers have questioned most of the content.”

“How many pages have I written so far?” Hubris pressed.

“Only ten pages are left but that includes the table of contents which looks like we may be losing another page,” Harry looked down at the table in shame.

“Fire those checkers and put back that content,” Hubris huffed. “What have you got for the back cover dialogue?”

“Its gluten free,” Harry replied, thankful he had something positive to report.

Questions for American Security Officials Concerning the Russian Hacking of the Election

leave a comment »

There is public information available decrying ‘hacking’ being performed by the U.S., Russia, China, and North Korea. The current and most prominent complaint in the U.S. accuses Russians of hacking the presidential election.

Our government’s accusation does not concern ballots, voting machines, or the counting of votes but is targeted at the release of emails ‘hacked’ from the DNC and John Podesta’s emails. The emails demonstrate some interesting items:

Hillary Clinton supports fracking and thinks opposition to is a Russian plot supported by Russian oligarchs.

The DNC and Hillary campaign conspired to defeat Bernie Sanders

Campaign debate questions given to Hillary prior to the debate

Pay for play regarding Cisco

The Clinton Foundation received many millions for Saudi Arabia and Qatar after Hillary had full knowledge that those countries covertly funded ISIS.

There are many, many more emails that demonstrate corruption, hypocrisy, collusion, and deceptive activities. The leaked emails led to the resignation of Democrat National Committee Party Chair, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, as well as several other high ranking members of the DNC. The loss of so many officials, exposed as being corrupt, might be thought to have had a significant impact on Hillary’s campaign efforts but Debbie Wasserman Schultz was hired by Hillary to be an honorary chair of Hillary’s 50 state program to elect Democrats around the country so the DNC loss of Debbie can be viewed as a gain to Hillary’s campaign.

Voters review of the leaked information, leading to the disdain of the candidate, seems to be the key complaint and result of alleged Russian hacking – even though Wikileaks denies Russian or any State involvement.  The Russians, however, are still being blamed for Hillary’s loss of the election. They are accused of releasing ‘hacked’ emails whose review by voters discredited Hillary as a candidate.

The content of the emails needs to be considered. No one has disparaged the DNC for Podesta’s risotto recipe, (also leaked in the emails), but the legitimate and validated content disclosing corruption and dishonesty seems to have had an impact of some level as yet to be determined. There has been no quantitative analysis on the level of voter response due to the release of the emails content.  Some questions to our security operatives may bring some light to the (Russian?) hacking operation regarding the presidential campaign:

If the content is unimportant – why is this hacking considered so appalling? For example: There is no interest in bank camera surveillance until something illegal or unethical transpires during the video.

Were the initiators of the emails paid by Russians? Did Podesta, Hillary, and DNC operatives get remunerations for writing the content of the emails?

Is there a money trail from Russia to the content writers of Podesta’s emails? Perhaps they were coerced in some manner?

Did the content providers actually mean what they wrote?

The same can be said for James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas videos that exposed Hillary and DNC funded operatives fomenting violence at Trump rallies and other disingenuous activities. The Democrats railed against the videos because they were surreptitiously garnered but the content of the videos exposed many lies, misinformation, and negative propaganda created by Democrats and Hillary campaign officials to mislead the public in regards to D. Trump. Was O’Keefe paid by the Russians to make the videos or were the persons being recorded being paid by the Russians?

Will President Obama also force O’Keefe to leave the United States?

So far, the only money trail discovered from Russia leads to the Clinton Foundation – but the provided questions are for those investigators of the great election hacking propaganda production being foisted upon American citizens.   Unfortunately, the answers would provide a much needed focus on actual election campaign problems inherent in the DNC, News Media, Academia, and our Executive branch of Government in terms of honest discourse, and as such, they will never be asked.

Nevertheless, in regards of this article, be aware that many states governments, even allies, have hacking endeavors and your technical and private information should be protected with vigor.

———————————————————

There are many avenues to explore and the following list of reference sites is not even a beginning foray into exposing the corrupt activities of Hillary Clinton.

http://www.wnd.com/2016/10/how-hillarys-campaign-chief-hid-money-from-russia/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/richard-greene/the-russian-hack-absolute_b_13656802.html

https://theintercept.com/2016/12/29/the-guardians-summary-of-julian-assanges-interview-went-viral-and-was-completely-false/

http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/12/12/13919702/russian-hackers-donald-trump-2016

http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/10/20/13308108/wikileaks-podesta-hillary-clinton

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/oct/18/undercover-video-shows-democrats-saying-they-hire-/

Written by poyhonen

January 4, 2017 at 4:25 am

Is the Moral Spine of America Broken?

leave a comment »

A perusal of information on the internet reveals a mountain of hate disguised as news, history, and current events. Unchecked misinformation runs rampant across our social media but viewers and readers alike seem to accept deceit as a tolerable manner of discourse. Many lies go unchallenged and the perpetrators continue to espouse dishonest accusations, false histories, and libelous claims without having to worry about any repercussion. People vehemently apply a vitriolic hatred against any disagreeable point of view, regardless of its veracity. Is the moral spine of America broken? Are lies, spin, and prevarication acceptable because a majority of people no longer have a moral background that would impede using deception to achieve a selfish objective? Has the ‘Ends Justify the Means’ developed into our new code of ethics?

News media has always had a large impact upon American thought, especially in politics and cultural morals. (For example; Hearst promised to support a MacArthur presidential run and albeit guaranteed him the presidency – but the General refused). This promise could be proffered because most people had a high confidence of newspaper’s reporting. The number of news competitors, however, curtailed fabrications or at least attempted a balance of stories by offering differing points of view. Yellow journalism, a term used by a New York Press newspaper editor to describe and decry the dishonest journalism of Hearst and Pulitzer’s papers, eventually exposed dishonest reporting. Competitive sources allowed readers to eventually determine misinformation and they responded by banishing blatant fraudulence to the garbage. Competition allowed news agencies to regulate themselves by establishing an ethical journalistic practice and gaining readers by gleefully attacking corrupt purveyors of information.

Such is not the case today. Competitors are available but the people willing to expend the effort in reading and analysis have insufficient time and energy to verify the accuracy of most news reports, blog entries, or a search provider’s return of information. Hate and vitriolic attack has replaced analysis and thoughtful discussion. Lies are vehemently defended as truth while misinformation is often regarded as acceptable spin. What is morally right depends on the meaning of ‘is’.

Why do I Like Trump

with 2 comments

Why do I Like Trump

Better question might be why should anyone like Trump? I am not happy about his thin skinned rhetoric railing against anyone who may disagree with him because the manner of his railing seems whiny and egocentric. The establishment news people and political party pundits obviously don’t like him. News media and ‘savvy’ analysts usually, sometimes subtly, (FOX news might be an example), define him in a negative manner.
However:
Has anyone noticed the news reports put out by our established agencies and news media? Does the everyday citizen know or care about what is happening in America? A clear majority of voters seem to have very little concern about the running of their country. Democrats and Republicans look very much the same to me. They both spend trillions of dollars the country does not have. The country’s debt is rising every day and I find it incredible that some are still blaming the tax cuts of Bush as one leading cause. Tax cuts? Doesn’t everyone realize that excessive government spending creates more government debt? We can complain about ineffectual wars, TSA costs, bailouts, and government contractors, agencies, and handouts spent to buy votes but both parties have supported all of these programs. The divisive culture of our current administration adds to the debt by extolling a punishing regimen of ineptly fashioned ‘social justice’ programs. This administration has doubled the national debt under the watchful eyes and acquiescence of both parties.
Hillary? There are a plethora of books and movies describing, in detail, Clinton ethical abuses, misconducts, and lies. Most have forgotten that her husband was impeached. Yet the DNC elevates such a person to be a qualified candidate. They do this with the support of most news agencies and the quiet acceptance of the RNC.
Enter Trump. Almost everyone in the Washington establishment, (Washington Cartel is a term coined by Cruz), are upset with his candidacy. That alone is a huge reason to consider him as a potential president. So far, it appears that he has not been bought by the controlling political elite. Any other candidate can be, (will be), corrupted at some level by money because our political system is ruled by expensive ad campaigns.
Not all corruption is clearly visible. Ideologue’s scurrying for power and control are just as corrupt as paid shills. Imagine a justice department that follows the rule of law. That alone would put a nervous fear into the hearts of the Washington Cartel. The IRS subject to laws? Subpoenas that must actually be obeyed? Senators and Congressmen subject to the same rules as citizens? It may be possible with Trump. Honest, ethical leadership will not be possible with any DNC candidate. The RNC supports the status quo, regardless of what they promise. (Check out the last few years to validate that statement).
Yes, I am cynical but I believe my cynicism is based upon historical facts. I like Trump because he is not linked to the Washington Cartel, beloved by the progressive news media, enjoyed by socialist panderers, or supported by politically correct educators whose theories and anti-American rhetoric tend to destroy the education and growth of civilization.
My choice seems binary – more of the same, or Trump. In that light, Trump is not a risk.
Everyone else is.

Progressive Liberal or Conservative Libertarian

leave a comment »

Where do I fit into America’s political system? My representatives promised to be problem solvers and I expected them to provide solutions but the only solutions I see are those that are geared for reelection. Politicians very capably say whatever will get them elected but my expectations on seeing them actually do something to improve America have led me to question if our two-party system is actually a one party façade of paper shuffling opportunists seeking self-aggrandizement and an expansion of power. Liberal and conservative ideals appear to oppose each other during elections but the resulting government seems to be the same, regardless of who wins any election.
I see banks and financial institutions that are rife with insider trading and derivative manipulations that diminish the capability of small investors, while the government backs the risks taken by large, too big to fail, corporations using citizen tax dollars. Large business practices actually trap employees into a form of slavery consisting of low wages and poor working environments. Employees find themselves in a helpless situation from which they have few options available to achieve freedom from greedy taskmasters who consider them an expense instead of a resource. Education has become a babysitting exercise that indoctrinate pupils with agenda based histories and absurd political correctness. I like the concept of worker representation, (unions), but am appalled by the general corruption of organizations that require paying into a system that does not support worker’s ideals. Dues are often spent to garner political power and maintain a hierarchy of elite organizers who subdue workers and employers alike.
News networks disseminate ideologue tainted reports that favor their idea of progressive or conservative politics. Occurrences that lie outside of intrinsically held concepts are simply ignored and go unreported. In many cases, false reports are fed to unsuspecting citizens, resulting in politicians who not only remain unscathed by their disingenuous behavior, they actually get reelected.
One may argue that their representative is an honest broker who supports ‘good’ concepts and just laws, but our system of government is founded upon a constitutionally based republic that is not supported by the majority of our representatives, much less our legal system.
Tax reform has been discussed for decades but has not happened. Similar non-results are demonstrated with reforms of immigration, education, environmental protection, welfare, social security, veteran’s benefits, and certainly, perhaps most importantly – campaign and election reforms. Our judicial supreme court is based upon ideologue views that divide our country in terms of constitutionality as ‘interpreted’ by our lifelong appointed justices. How else can ‘truth’ be commonly defined by a margin of five to four?
Government reforms seem to be based upon the power to control and curtail rather than responding to ‘what is good’ for the people. Laws are now being written to manage every aspect of future interpretation in order to avoid the exercise of a perceived ‘loophole’. The legalese writing is meant to limit the options available to citizens in order to achieve the desired goals as defined by an explicit law or regulation. Thousands of pages are written to provide direction and regulation that can be readily interpreted by – no one. There is a reason why our health care laws contain the database defined health entry, “bitten by a duck”. Sound dystopian? Many citizens have cars and most cars must be registered to the state where they are driven. Take a look at your state laws regarding car registration. One would think it should be simple. Tell the state you own a car and pay a fee for using the roads and infrastructure. Review the documents defining local registration and then realize that there are also federal regulations concerning vehicle registration. The Wisconsin registration – just registration – employs over 52,000 words. By comparison, our amended American Constitution has about 7,500 words.
Laws control and manipulate the behavior of citizens and reduce the available options that provide freedom.
“Do not harm fellow citizens,” seems to be an ideal, upon which, we can all agree. But that is only five words and we all understand the meaning. Current federal criminal justice laws have listed over 4,450 federally defined criminal offenses. In actuality, you can be confined in a federal prison for selling orchids without the proper paperwork or threatened with imprisonment for filling in a ditch on your property. No wonder our prisons are full.
My diatribe deserves a representation of some things that could be provided by true representatives in a short list of potential solutions. These offerings are merely suggestions – I’m looking for a place where my values can fit into American politics:
Tax reform: What does it take? What would happen if 80% of the IRS employees were laid off and the president went to congress with a 3×5 card, requesting a new tax law? “Better do something before April 15, because there is no one at the IRS to process the reams of paperwork required to collect taxes. Here, take this card and write a new tax law I can sign. Sure, go ahead and use both sides of the card.”
Immigration: Secure the border first to establish the credibility and sincerity of the government. Raise immigration quotas from some countries. Make it easier to cross the border by creating additional crossing stations. Make it less complicated to become a citizen. Read/write English and obey the laws of your new country for three years. Vote after military service or ten years as a lawful citizen. Allow employers to provide and record work permits. Step on employers who do not pay a fair wage determined by each state. Harm anyone – get exported. Benefits will have to be earned over a time determined by Congress.
Environmental protection – Eliminate the EPA and every regulation they have created. They have demonstrated extreme abusive behavior. Let the states define what pollution entails and what environmental protections are needed. Reduce 80% of federally owned land and give the property to the states. Expand state borders to include federal domains offshore.
Education – Another department that needs deletion. Let the states decide education principles but continue to provide family funding of twelve increments per citizen child for education payments that allow the family to decide on where the funding is implemented. Poorer people will get to choose their schools and methods of education.
Law – There exists a massive and convoluted web of intricate details that are defined by thousands and thousands of pages of federal laws and regulations. Any lawyer surely earns his due when forced to wade through the morass of legal documents in an effort to support justice. Hire a few people – no more than twenty people who understand the importance of legal philosophy and task them to rewrite the laws of our country in one year. Then discard the whole mess of legalese currently employed. Test the laws before implementation, using one hundred well paid ordinary citizens selected by lottery. If this group of selected citizens stumbles over an interpretation – rewrite or discard that edict. Laws control business and offer predictable consequences that allow the safe investment of capital.
Czars – anyone with the title should be laid off as well as anyone directly employed by any czar.
Prisons – We incarcerate too many citizens. People who rape, pillage, and kill should be put away to keep them from harming civilized people but many others are incarcerated for being stupid, uninformed, manipulated by others, or for misdemeanors pertaining to foolish regulations. Often, the ones making the regulations deserve to be incarcerated, not the perpetrators. Prison sentences are far too long for the damage these ‘criminals’ have performed. Reparation instead of punishment should be paramount in such sentencing. No one should ever be harmed, threatened, or abused while in a prison. Prisons should be made into one of the safest places on this planet. Exile should be considered as a sentence for certain crimes against society.
Election reform – The only reason we don’t use the internet for voting is because it would become too difficult to cheat and there exists a fear that too many uninformed voters will vote. Cheating can be investigated based upon one vote per social security number and address. Cheaters should be exiled.
Ill-informed voters, however, are often ill-informed because politicians lie, obfuscate facts, hide behind government organizations, (like the IRS), and manipulate statistics to present a view not held by honest discourse. Some voters may also be lazy, illiterate, or simply apathetic regarding their citizen’s right to vote. They may have no interest in taking an effort to find honest information regarding current or future events. Politicians often garner votes from these citizens by offering redress for various, (frequently phony), victimization or financial rewards if elected. Such has always been the case involving politics.
Perhaps the potential voter should be directed to undergo a series of questions, regarding the platforms of candidates before being presented with their voting options. Candidates supporting the voters viewpoint can be shown in a descending list of characteristics and platform ideals as selected by the voter. They may become enlightened after finding their favorite politician near the bottom of their list of approved stances and attributes.
Every politician could also be provided with a federally funded web page where they must present a written discourse describing their platform and, at their option, opposition to other candidates. Another group of vetted and professional judges will be needed to inspect each candidates statements. What would happen if one politician wrote upon his federally funded site, that his opponent misrepresented certain facts during their last debate? If true, the statement stands for all to read in glowing letters. If false, the site displays him in blinking colors as a candidate sanctioned for unethical conduct. Let the voters decide.

Fish Have Loins

leave a comment »

We live in a new age of communication where it seems almost impossible to turn off the many ‘voices’ pummeling our senses. The internet allows the promulgation of ideas and concepts that have changed our daily habits, inspired our economy, and opened a floodgate of information freely available to the world.
This should be an age of enlightenment but it is not. Propaganda rules the airwaves. Greed and vice abound in a world where habit inducing drugs build empires that fight over territories that obey no country’s borders. Politicians lie and the lies are accepted by a populace that accepts misinformation as a normal occurrence, or in worse cases, accepts the deception as truth.
Fish and chickens now have loins. Hundreds of millions of dollars are spent to gain political power for a job that pays less than two hundred thousand. Automobiles have become ‘sexy’. Eating is a fun pastime. Responsibility has become a foreign object – an exterior influence under which you have become a victim.
Very little is private. Everyone is exposed to atrocities, sex, drugs, and graphic mayhem at an early age where even the evening news often conveys very frightening visuals. Fear mongering information is disseminated to ‘lead’ the masses in a direction that makes a few people rich and powerful for the singular purpose of making a few people rich and powerful.
We live in an age where someone, completely safe in Virginia, can kill someone thousands of miles away while we ignore the same technology used to apply the controlling efforts of skilled propaganda specialists. Missiles of misinformation, lies, and propaganda strike us daily.
We are at war. A war where advertisements and social media seek to be in command of our culture by controlling our perception. Everyone now needs a new car, phone, television and clothes for the latest style.
Our schools do not teach the pitfalls of misinformation and are often supporting institutions of ideologues. The information they used to teach, and sometimes continue to espouse, is freely available and often in a better format but where are the instructions on how to determine what is valid and what is false? Schools that hire terrorists as teachers don’t bother to make such differentiations. They change history and modify facts. They spread guilt and demean cultures. They control.
Brainwashing used to be a term applied to evil doers forcibly and/or covertly changing the thoughts and beliefs of another person. Today it is a ‘Fifth Avenue’ accepted process rewarded by sales, laws, and elections. A successful indoctrination induces one to accept contrasting and regimented ideas formally held as offensive or at least undesirable. We are all subject to such indoctrination attempts being launched from every aspect of communication, (to include this paper) – until you apply my admonition to question everything. Question what you read, see, hear, and think. Question yourself. Inspect your beliefs and offer yourself change without outside interference. The truth may be difficult to find amidst the noise of design and concept advertising but the greatest truth, and sometimes the most difficult to find, is inside yourself.
Freedom is more than being physically mobile, it is also an idea, a concept that allows a mind to move in all directions. When the avenue of thought is coerced into selected directions, freedom is diminished. The fight is still raging but where the ideologues win, freedom isn’t so much lost as it is given away.

Senator Hubris Meets the Aliens

with 2 comments

“They are gathered inside the room behind the vault door, Senator Hubris,” the marine sergeant pointed to a metal door further down the corridor.
“Harrumph,” Hubris replied without looking at the marine, “Hope they have coffee and pastries. Ten o’clock is too damn early to start a meeting.”
The marine rushed past the waddling senator to open the heavy door. The senator tucked his shirt into his pants and humped his shoulders to straighten up his appearance while waiting for the thick metal door to be opened. He stepped past the opening, where the corridor continued into a large rectangular room containing a long table hosting several strange looking beings.
“Sss, blascktigcap,” a creature rose from his seat extending four arms, in what seemed to be a friendly manner.
“Is this a joke?” Hubris snorted.
“This is not humor, Senator,” the being with four arms spoke halting English. Each word ended with a strange click. “We are representatives of several planetary species, belong to the United Galaxy Homeworlds, UGH. Your president assigned you to confer with us over certain needs that are required from earthlings.”
An alien with a nose resembling an elephant’s trunk made sounds resembling laughter.
“I shall be your translator,” Four arms pointed to a plush chair at one end of the table. “You may call me Four,” the creature tried mimicking a human smile but the fangs perturbed the senator.
Hubris walked slowly to the chair, noting the various creatures seated on both sides of the table. The center of the long conference table had three pitchers of water strategically placed next to cloth covered baskets.
“Hmm,” Hubris drooled, “You do have pastries.” A toad hopped from the basket unto the table when he reached under the cloth.
“What the…” Hubris farted in surprise.
A reptilian looking ‘thing’ grabbed the toad with a four fingered claw and ate it before Hubris could sit.
The ‘elephant nose’ made laughing sounds again.
Hubris sat, “What’s this about? Let’s get down to business. Are you here to make donations to my campaign?”
A varied cacophony of whistles, grunts, and trumpeting sounded from all the UGH representatives.
“Yes, of course we are honored to donate to your campaign,” Four replied, handing Hubris a check inscribed in his name for one billion dollars. The check was drawn from the Intergalactic Bank. “But we need your assistance to avoid a possible war that could engulf the entire galaxy.”
“Is this check any good?” Hubris waved the paper in front of him, (for a good reason).
The green alien appeared to become a little greener.
“Of course the check is good,” Four sat with all his arms on the table. “We have been banking through the Federal Reserve for over fifty years now.”
“You have?” Hubris looked incredulous.
“Why do you think the Fed has never been audited?” Four gave Hubris a blank look. He repeated the senator’s question in some alien tongue.
Several creatures nodded, one thumped a tail, and the elephant curled his nose.
“But to the point, Senator Hubris,” Four continued, “We, well almost all beings living in this galaxy, appreciate earth’s efforts in keeping galactic peace for over a thousand years. Unfortunately, there are those among us who do not believe the capacity of the human endeavor towards war. It has been so long since we have had to use humans, you see. We have asked you to be here, as a convincing voice, to further the cause of peace and avoid the catastrophic mutual total destruction that will occur if humans are employed in hostile enterprises. As such we hope that earth, may again, save the universe by threatening recalcitrant planets with our employment of earthlings in a peace-keeping capacity.”
“Humans keep galactic peace?” Hubris’s jaw dropped and his eyes grew wide as he looked at the various ‘representatives’ around the table.
“Oh, yes,” Four responded, “We supply the technology and employ humans for the dirty work.”
“For the last thousand years?” Hubris’s lisped and spittle dripped on the table.
“Of course, we also furnish training,” Four sounded bored, “Slings at first, then bows and guns, but now video games support the machines we use.”
“We excel at video games,” Hubris was surprised by the pictures and videos that suddenly appeared on all the walls, floors, and ceiling. A myriad of video game videos demonstrated the prowess of human play.”
“That’s better, Hubris,” Four commented. “Your dialogue will be instantly supported by an electronic search for information supporting your statements. The results will be displayed, as you can see.”
“You mean it’s like Google?” Hubris craned his head to see all the videos.
A roar of upset aliens disturbed him. They appeared to be very angry.
“Ah, don’t use that sound, Senator,” Four explained, “The harmonics resemble a curse in several languages. Just tell us all about the ‘human’ condition and predilection towards war.”
“Hmm,” Hubris thought quickly, perhaps the lectures he gave his constituents might serve. “Humans have been known to murder fellow humans, but that is the fault of guns…”
A very loud buzzer filled the room with a painful sound.
“Sorry, Hubris,” Four instructed. “The buzzer will blast upon any untruth. We must, for the sake of galactic welfare, be honest in our dissertations.”
“Well, global warming…” Hubris began.
“BUZZ!”
“Tea party insurgents…”
“BUZZ!”
“Oh, come on, Four,” Hubris complained. “I have been teaching my voters this material for years.” Hubris jerked his head back and forth, expecting the buzzer to erupt in sound.
It remained quiet. Videos of Hubris displayed his campaign lectures.
“Actually, most violent deaths are accomplished with blunt objects,” the Senator began to enjoy his role as peacekeeper. He waited. Silence. Alien eyes and sensors focused upon the politician.
“Yeah,” Hubris smiled, “we like to get down and dirty. A baseball bat or piece of iron does the trick. Silence.
“We pay men and women to live their adult lives in military organizations, where they train to kill people who may threaten us.”
Hubris felt the impact of the intense stares he received from the table occupants.
“Many of my opponents constituents are racists and…”
“BUZZ!”
“Well, my voters believe they are,” Hubris amended, “I informed them.”
“Those others hate clean air…”
“BUZZ!”
“Clean water…”
“BUZZ!”
“I divide folks by showing how they have been victimized by other folks who may be different, have more material things, get better education and health care, nicer homes and good jobs. My folks will vote for me because it’s easy to get them to blame others for their condition. My people hate those other people. Just think about how much they would like to get their hands on your stuff and take it away. You guys are very different.”
“You mean racial hatred inspires humans to kill?” Four asked.
“Oh, you betcha,” Hubris beamed in his chair. “Especially black against white, or white against anything.
A murmuring began to grow amongst the seated aliens. It appeared to get more robust as different entities pounded the table, giving Four blatant looks of disapproval.
“What’s wrong?” Hubris asked.
“They think the buzzer is broke,” Four looked desperate. “They don’t believe any race could be that stupid. It is beyond comprehension. They will disband this effort unless I can prove the buzzer is still working.”
“But this is what we have done to manipulate the masses,” Hubris explained. “We don’t think of ourselves as humans because our politics and schools indoctrinate us to be racially divided. We kill each other over these differences and we kill others just because they think differently. We even tortured and killed the person who initiated one of our most honored religions that teaches peace and love.”
The aliens around the table were obviously becoming infuriated.
“We elect politicians who are honest and …”
“BUZZ!”
“Harrumph,” The senator cleared his throat, “At least my boyfriend knows my ethics are above…”
“BUZZ!”
Several aliens gave the senator a quizzical look but the room began to quiet. Most of the representatives returned to their seats.
“We give honor to our warriors,” Hubris announced. “We especially honor our dead warriors. When we go to other countries and kill people, we leave rows and rows of monuments to our fallen. Mothers walk among these rows looking for the names of their dead progeny.”
“We care for our warriors who are wounded…”
“BUZZ!”
“Ok, ok, we don’t give a shit for the wounded but we try to keep it quiet and minimize the expense of providing for them,” Hubris backtracked.
“But we do give medals to the dead!” Hubris tried to get a reprieve. “And we teach our men that violence is manly. We show war videos to our children. Wow, I remember some of these older movies. Hey, there’s John Wayne,” Hubris began to enjoy the displays. “That one looks new and interesting – don’t think I’ve seen that one yet. Hey Four, can you get me a copy?”
“It hasn’t been released yet,” Four shook his head. “We get everything. We even have a copy of your laptop but porn isn’t the issue so get back on the subject, please.”
“You can’t get a copy of my…” Hubris began.
“We have also assisted your, uh, NSA or B, whatever – we can get any information we want,” Four calmly replied, (with a click at the end of his sentence).
“Seems pretty obvious that we humans are a war oriented race of fighters who are rewarded in our society for killing whatever opposes us or, in many cases, whoever we are hired to kill. When we aren’t killing other people, we kill animals to eat. Millions of animals are slaughtered every year just to make sandwiches. We raise them so we can kill them.”
Hubris noted Four’s nod of approval.
“And if you think our army is too small, we are prepared to field hundreds of thousands of well armed ‘civilians’ if your alien recalcitrant has a good flavor…” Hubris waited for a buzzer to go off but the room remained quite silent. “Every year we have a hunting festival that puts over half a million armed citizens into our forests looking for critters to shoot and eat. Half a million hunters in my state alone. There are fifty states in our union. Do you have a sample of your problem alien that we can roast, fry, or barbeque?”
Vivid videos and pictures displayed during this period of Hubris’ recitation seemed to upset several of the alien participants. One spewed some foul smelling lumpy liquid on the table. Another ejected something that formed a puddle under his chair. The lizard looking individual took a keen interest in the videos, however, frequently licking his prognathic mouth with a wiry tongue.
“The hunters are our most peaceful armed citizens,” The senator hit his stride, “Do you want descriptions of our pillaging and raping capabilities? We do other things besides killing and eating.”
“No, Senator Hubris,” Four put his hand over the senator’s mouth. The images on the displays continued, to the dismay and discomfort of those seated at the table. “I think your dissertation has adequately described the impact of releasing humans upon an aggressive population of war mongering life forms. Of course, you know this meeting never occurred and the knowledge of other extant intelligent life is highly classified. Or would you prefer to have your mind wiped?”
“No, no,” Hubris waved his hands, “I don’t think that will be necessary. I should be going now as I have much work to perform. You know, I perform many services for my people…”
“BUZZ!”

Written by poyhonen

October 23, 2014 at 4:45 am