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The Minority – Senator Hubris Story

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The Minority

                                                            by

                                                   Mark Poyhonen

                Ronald felt the weight of a losing argument pressing upon his intellect.  He was beginning to feel  like a loser for having succeeded in getting a breakfast meeting with his elected representative.

                “I wanted to register as a minority,” Ronald repeated the source of his problem  in the hope of achieving some understanding.

                “You cannot claim yourself as a minority, Mr. Flock, because you are Caucasian,” said Senator Hubris, patiently.

                “The name, again, is Fisk,” replied Ronald, “And it is Finnish.  I am Finnish American.”

                “Yes, yes,” said  Hubris, “You are also Caucasian, and no ‘Caucasian’ can be considered a minority.”

                “I know women who are Finnish,” began Ronald,  ” They are a minority, and if ‘Caucasian’ is interpreted to include all ‘white’ people, then she is a Caucasian who is also considered a minority.”

                “Well, ‘Caucasian.’, is a political term in the manner by which we currently choose to use it, however, all women are considered to be a minority, but otherwise you must be a person of color in order to be considered a minority,” the Senator sighed with the last words and hoped the clown that sat before him would finally relent after being confronted with superior logic.

                “I know for a fact that there are very few Finnish Americans living in the United States,” said Ronald with authority.  “I can prove there are more people of any specific color than there are Finns – of any color, although I admit, most of us do seem to have a light complexion.  I also know what ‘minority’ means.  Well, I thought I did; but you are saying that the small number of Finns cannot be considered as a minority because they have light complexions like most ‘white’ people.  That cannot be a valid argument because Finnish women are considered to be a minority.”

                “I think I see your problem…” began Senator Hubris.

                “My problem?” interjected an exasperated voter seeking representation.

                “Yes,  my dear Finnish American,” said the senator evenly, “Your problem.  The real reason Finnish Americans cannot be considered a minority, (he paused for effect),  is because there are not enough of them.”

                “Blacks are a minority because there happen to be a lot of them?” asked Ronald.

                “Absolutely,” the Senator pounded the table in victory.   “Now take women.  Our population is comprised of 52% women and they are a minority because they said so – and voted accordingly.”

                “But 52% is a majority,” argued Ronald.

                “Majority rules,” the Senator  smiled upon his constituent.  “They said they are a minority – so they are given representation as a minority by our government.”

                “This logic is disturbing,” murmured a very confused Finnish American voter.

                “If you wish special consideration, perhaps, you could identify yourself as a victim?” asked a helpful politician.

                “Actually, Senator, all I ever wanted was representation,” answered Ronald.  “I write in opinions, suggestions, and requests to my elected officials and I am always ignored.  I was thinking that I might get more attention as a Finnish American minority.”

                “Hmm, I see,” said the Senator, stroking his chin in what he hoped was a wise demonstration of sagaciousness.                 Unfortunately, if you are having problems in the workplace – as ‘Caucasian’ you have no rights because you cannot be bullied, harassed, demeaned, or preyed upon as a victim of prejudice.”

                “You mean I have no rights at all?”

                “Of course you do, dear man, of course you do,” said the condescending man from Washington.  “Your rights are lumped in with all ‘Caucasians’.   Now, let me suggest again, a consideration for being a victim.”

                “You just told me I cannot be victimized,” said Ronald.

                “That was just the workplace,” replied Hubris, “It may include schools as well but let me give you an example,” Hubris cleared his throat and continued, ” Are you Jewish Finnish American?”

                “No, but now you are talking about religions, not country origins, or race,” Ronald quickly replied.

                “Victims are a whole new class,” said Hubris.  “Do you have cancer from working with asbestos or do you smoke, or work within a mile of people who do smoke?  Been involved in a flood, lately?”

                “No.”

                “Was your family butchered by the Germans in the great war?”

                “Finland was a German ally during World War II,” informed the voter.

                “Wha.., Oh, Well, We had best not mention the world war then,” said a disturbed Hubris.  “How about being victimized before the war or afterwards during the Cold War – any massive losses there?  Parents lost?  Ran out from the homeland to seek safety in America?  I seem to remember something about Stalin killing millions.”

                “He butchered and starved white Russians, probably, I have just learned, because they had no rights or representation,” lectured Ronald from tight lips.  “No matter to Finns.  Finland was on the side of the Axis because the Axis was against the Russians.  But I am not in Finland.  I was born here, in this country.  I am an American.”

                “Oh no, no,” said Hubris.  “You mustn’t say that.   Americans are never victims.  They never beg for special consideration, or favor, and prefer to make do based upon their own merit and devices.  If you want special consideration, you cannot proclaim yourself an ‘American’.   Only Finnish-Americans, for example, could demand to have all government documentation translated from English to Finnish.  Americans, on the other hand, would task themselves to learn the common tongue.”

                “How do Americans get representation?” asked Ronald.

                “The  minorities in America do get representation, Mr. Flisk,” Hubris huffed, “Even illegal immigrants get representation.”

                “I don’t feel represented,” replied Ronald.   “I ask for lower taxes and you first threaten to close the schools, delete the school programs, stop bussing, and let all the penitentiaries occupants free to prey on society before you would lower my home taxes.  After that you promised to close the libraries, cut the number of fire stations,  lay off police. and curtail all the street sweepers and snowplows.”

                “Seems like a good response to me for any idea of lowered taxes,” said Hubris wistfully.            “Certainly you got a response from your elected official and that, sir, is representation.”

                “Well, I talked about that answer with my friends and we all decided that if you couldn’t figure out any other way or means to lower my home taxes – other than cutting the schools and services in the state then – go ahead,  cut them, and lower my taxes,” said Fisk.

                “Hmm,” the senator stalled.

                “Then we were informed that you couldn’t cut the schools budgeted items because that was under the decree of local school boards, and you couldn’t cut the police or jails because that was in the County’s jurisdiction, and most of the other items had federal programs that were effected and needed to be brought before appropriate committees or local townships.”

                “Those seem like plausible excuses to me,” said Hubris.

                “So who represents me in the Government – just the local boards? asked Fisk.  “You can imagine their laughter when I asked them to lower my property taxes.  A friend informed me that you took an oath when you accepted the office and that we should sue you in order to make you serve the people who elected you.”

                Hubris scowled.  “That was bad advice, my dear constituent,” he admonished.  “My oath of office only demanded that I protect the constitution and I construe that to mean;  my interpretation of the constitution, as if it would have been written by myself, had I been available at the time to be a forefather of this wonderful nation.  It is never good advice to sue a lawyer or lawmaker, young man.”  Hubris puffed up, filled with a lawyer’s  pride and arrogance. 

                 “And let me give you and your disenchanted friends some advice,” he continued.  “It may have been said that Doctors play God but no Doctor ever plays anything but ‘humble’ around a lawyer, unless he is a Doctor of Law.  You get my meaning – don’t you?   I have tried to be understanding and identify you as part of a victim group so I can raise the specter of ‘Class Action’ but you seem indisposed to being a victim.   The government supports victims and gives them apologies and representation but all your selfish  demands force you to be lumped in with the Caucasians.  That is your fault, yet there is one other avenue that you can take if you wish to have an impact upon the laws of this nation.”

                “You mean we should join up with a group of victims or other ‘approved’ minorities?”

                “No, no, no,” repeated Hubris.  “We have been playing the minorities against each other for years and victims are always victims of ‘Caucasians’.   No minority will ever join with you but you may support them and their represented agendas.”

                “And Finns?”

                “All the Finns in the States, put together, could not affect the election of a single dog catcher in Washington,” explained the Senator.  “Don’t interrupt, lad,” continued Hubris, ” I am trying to find a solution for you.”  He waved a fat finger in the young man’s face.  “Now then, as I was saying,” began the diplomat, “How much money do you have?”

                “Huh?”

                “Money.  You need to Fund Political Action Committees and hire (lawyer) lobbyists.   Fund re-election activities and spend a lot of largess in the right places and you will see the lobbyists can talk to me and my comrades directly.”

                “But I thought I could talk to you directly,” said Ronald.

                “Sure and what has that achieved, my dear poor boy?” replied Hubris, answering with a rhetorical question, in the manner he was taught at school.

                “You want bribes?” exclaimed Ronald softly.

                “Never. I repeat – Never – say bribes in my presence,” growled the representative of our people.   Your lobbyist would, uh, ‘discover’ the correct places to spend money in a manner that would offer you representation to possibly  include lowering your property taxes or anything else for that matter.” stated the Senator.

                “I think I should vote for someone else and rid our government of people like you,” said the minority Finn.

                “Never happen, fool.” Hubris said the words in a magnanimous voice.  “There are not enough of you or your ilk to beat the votes I can procure.  We control the money, the laws, and, with ACORN, the elections.  You must bend to the will of your representative or suffer the consequences.  Your insolence is annoying and I tire of your recriminations.  I know a fine minority group in the City having a desire for $20,000 dollars of schooling expenses per inner city student instead of the $14,000 they currently receive.  The school boards love us but one cannot be too careful, or generous, so I think I will raise your property taxes to ensure their vote and give them the extra $7,000.”

                Ronald sat mute.  A feeling of overwhelming helplessness enveloped him like a noxious blanket of dripping vomit.  The logic and mathematics of the Government had him stymied.

                “Oh, it is 10 already.  Well, my day is done and I have to be home for lunch,” Hubris spoke while rising  from his chair.  His belly pushed the table towards Ronald and spilled coffee to drip unto the constituents lap.  “Glad to have this town hall with you, lad,” Hubris said smiling.  “Don’t feel bad.  If I were not your official, then someone just like me would take my place.  We smear the hell out of those that don’t belong and everyone eats it up like peanut butter and jelly.  Take heart, boy.  We would never destroy the flock we tend.  You just need to bend a little and be more patriotic in doing your duty as your government desires.  Surely our leadership provides an avenue that makes you happy if you just look for it.  I’m happy.”

                The senator abandoned his constituent and left the small restaurant, introducing himself to seated customers and shaking hands  all the way to the front door.

                Ronald was left with the bill.

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Written by poyhonen

May 5, 2010 at 8:45 am

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