Poyhonen's Blog

stories and commentary

Senator Hubris Supports the Election

A democratic campaign aide rushed into Senator Hubris’ office. He spoke in spurts, breathing heavily between words, “Senator Hubris, thank you…, for seeing me…, today,” he panted.
“Please sit,” Hubris said magnanimously, “You seem to have over exerted yourself.”
“I ran all the way from the Speaker’s office,” the aide plopped into a chair.
“Goodness,” Hubris exclaimed, “That’s over a hundred feet away. Mabel – Mabel,” Hubris called his secretary, “Get this man some water.”
Mabel walked to a wet bar six feet from Hubris’ desk, poured some water into a crystal glass and handed it to the aid.
“Oh, Thank you,” the aide took the glass and downed the contents in one long gulp.
“This must be an emergency,” Hubris leaned forward over his desk.
“Oh it is, milord, I mean your eminence, uh, Senator,” the aide’s eyes were wide and water dripped from his chin. “We think Hillary might be in trouble.”
“Oh, come now,” Hubris breathed a sigh of relief, “It can’t be all that bad. The laws of the common folk do not apply to Hillary. Never have. Never will. She can do as she wants without fear of repercussion of any kind as her actions over the years have proven.”
“We had an entire committee of over thirty people trying to determine the best lies for her to convey to the news organizations and they were all stymied.”
“Now, now,” Hubris pooh-poohed the aide’s comments with a wave of his hand. “Clinton lies are the most masterful lies in the world. They have been accepted by the populace for years.”
“They came up with some good ones about Trump but they couldn’t settle on any that could get her out of this email pickle.”
Hubris began to look serious, “Are they looking for another candidate?”
“They are. She may have to get sick and donate her campaign chest to another approved candidate.”
“That is serious,” Hubris settled himself into his chair, “How much money are they talking about?”
“At least a billion.”
“They should have told me,” Hubris cleared his throat, “I might have considered….”
“They have already selected a potential candidate, but they need your help,” the aide interrupted the senator.
“Who gets the billion,” Hubris stared into the aides eyes.
“They were thinking about getting Putin to run,” the aide blurted.
“But he’s not a citizen,” Hubris argued.
“So?” the aide spread his hands, “We need you to change the laws to allow our world war two ally to unite with America as a citizen of both states.”
“He is a pretty strong candidate,” Hubris observed, “but he’s a communist.”
“Your point?”
“Hmm, I see,” Hubris pursed his lips, “his social outlook is quite similar. Have they talked to Putin?”
The aide nodded.
“What’s his position on Mexico and immigration?” Hubris asked.
“Annex Mexico,” came the aide’s succinct reply.
“How will he get the votes?” Hubris looked pleased.
“While American troops give, er, aid to Mexico, Russian divisions will occupy our empty bases. School, of course, will be free for party members. Free medical services and jobs for the unions. Lots of new jobs will be created to build camps for the, uh, homeless and disenchanted,” the aide looked pleased.
“That still won’t get him enough votes,” Hubris shook his head, “some people might think there is another progressive takeover of America and rush to the poles.”
“He says he’ll make America great again.”
“Trump says that too.”
“Trump may have to be involved in an unfortunate accident but, get this, Putin will also have 140 million votes from his homeland,” the aide grinned. “Our division of the American public has worked so well that many city dwellers will gladly vote for any candidate who will redistribute homes and possessions as well as wealth. We can blame any conflict, food shortage, and power outages on Tea Party zealots. We hope to stir up some more race riots too. Most of the pipelines in the country will be shutdown. The starving people may become feisty but that won’t last long and our story is that we don’t want to refine oil or use coal. This allows us to console the populace with tweets about saving the planet. After that, we can create as many votes as needed, since most of the country will be in a blackout anyway. The environmental people will be happy that we will no longer be using fossil fuels in the lower 48. We can sell cheap fuel, gas, and coal to Europe to keep them quiet.”
“How does he plan to feed and house the, uh, new massive numbers of homeless?”
“Why bother?”
“What about armed Americans who want freedom?”
“Hungry Americans will trade guns for food. Sick Americans will do anything for health services.” the aide stood, “And we know there will be sick Americans who use public water, Hehe. They will put the chains on themselves, just like we planned long ago, but quicker. Most citizens don’t really care about the nation and probably won’t notice anything is happening as long as we have some sitcoms running and keep the handouts moving.”
“Well it’s a good idea for everyone to know that making America progressively great may require some small sacrifices in reparation for all the evil acts done by our country during its entire history,” Hubris nationalism spurred him to pontificate.
“The public schools have done a good job on that score and the news media is still in our pocket. A few dinners and a trip to Putin’s Whitehouse and they’ll provide all the spin we need. Besides, a socialist republic is still a republic isn’t it?”
“Well, seems like a good idea,” Hubris frowned but nodded agreement. “Pretty close to our original plan and as long as I get to keep my elite status, it all seems to work for me. What does Hillary say about this?”
“It was her idea,” the aide smiled. “Being prime minister of the Americas is enough power and status for her. Enough for today at least.”
“Do we really need to bring Russian troops into the U.S.?”
“Most definitely,” the aide’s words sounded rehearsed, “American troops are a bit fussy about shooting fellow Americans, you know. Russian troops will shoot anything you point them towards. Hillary is willing to give up some parts of northern Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota, but we will need the Russians to keep order elsewhere, especially Texas.”
“Why lose anything?” Hubris was confused.
“Too many people with Finnish heritage up there,” the aide explained. “Russians won’t go into those areas.”
“I would have thought they would have forgotten about the world war,” Hubris nodded. “Should have modified the history books like we are doing.”
“Oh, they did that but the carnage has been handed down by family stories concerning what happened to uncle so-and-so, or grandpa.”
“Not much loss up there anyway,” Hubris commented. “What about Oregon and Washington State?”
“They will hand out cookies to the Russians and offer up their children to be indoctrinated, just like the rest of the west coast.” The aide turned to leave the office, “I’ll tell them you are working on the new law as we speak.”
Hubris stood to wave farewell to the visitor.
“Mabel, Mabel,” he called, “Be sure to wipe my server!”


Written by poyhonen

October 1, 2015 at 7:02 pm

%d bloggers like this: